Should we just give up trying to adopt?
From what some people tell us, it seems we have three strikes against us. We are in our forties, we both have advanced degree professional careers, and we already have kids.
We want to adopt again because we love kids. We are financially secure. We have an approved homestudy and have hired an adoption attorney. Still we can’t find a birthmother. The only bites we seem to get are from really strange people (a guy that told us he was pregnant with biracial twins and a woman who said she was carrying the anti-Christ-interesting, but no thanks!) or Camaroon scams. Also, our state prohibits the use of facilitators. We are open to a boy or a girl. We have a 3-year old biracial daughter. Should we just give up?
I really and sincerely wanted to thank everyone who has replied. You have no idea how much the encouragement means to me. One of the "cranks" told us that we were simply too old and it would be embarassing to the child to have such old parents. That just smacked me pretty hard. I didn’t know I was old until then.
Anyway, for completeness of the story, we are licensed as foster parents. We live in a small county where there are not a lot of placements. The 3-year old is adopted from there. We have not had a placement in over a year. We want to give her someone to grow up with. Also, we did consider older children, but since we both work, and have no extended family, the agency will not place older kids with us because of a lack buy antibiotics online of available supervision during the summer. They were not supportive of the idea of summer day camps either. So, with me working that made us ineligible for anything other than daycare age.
NO! The right baby is out there for you……..it’s just not "time"……..one of the most difficult obstacles with adoption is being patient and giving up your control. It will happen………if you have not already, start journaling to help you cope with the wait, join a support group, and most of all, keep yourself busy and do not put your "life" with your current family on hold. Go on vacation, do things! You’ll see, when you least expect it, it will happen!
NEVER give up on anything your heart desires!!!!!!!!!!
I just got back from Malawi Africa. The orphanages are FULL!If you’re truely serious, let me know I can help
NO! Have you considered adoption outside of our country? A family friend did it- and they are so happy. I wish you the very best- I know it can be a heartache!
If race is not an issue, you should try state agencies with foster children. You might also try your own state’s foster-adopt program.
No, don’t give up! There are so many children out there who really need loving parents like you.
Have you ever considered adopting from other countries? You’re most likely to find kids in need in smaller, just-developing nations.
Really, there should be more kind people like you!
No never give up but but in the meantime; do you have to have a baby; if not there are many, many kids of all ages waiting to be adopted in the system. There are some really great kids who just need a mommy and daddy to show them what rue love is!!
Good luck!
brandy
Don’t give up — just stretch your wings.
You can adopt from another country. My brother and his wife just adopted two from Liberia — and they are fitting in well and doing just fine.
Try checking out this site:
http://www.acresofhope.org/aboutacres.htm
Never give up! if you are willing to open your arms to a child by all means continue trying. Have you ever considered international adoption? It is a wonderful thing
My parents had all three of the same characteristics as you and they didn’t give up and now have a 5 yr old. Don’t give up!
Consider international adoption.
I applaud you wanting to adopt being 40 and all ..but why a baby ? why not give a older child a good home ..there are so so many children out there who sit in foster Homes who are longing to belong to a family .. consider taking on another age group …other then that never give up to give a child a loving Home not enough people like you in this world .
You should not give up if you still want to adopt!
As others suggested, international adoption would be a good option for you. We adopted both of our children from Korea (2 separate adoptions) within a two years, and had a very good experience. Many international adoptions cost around the same as a domestic adoption (about $20,000- $25,000)
Actually many of the couples in our adoption group fell into all three categories you mentioned, (were older, already had children, and both parents worked) and now they all have beautiful children that they adopted.
With international adoption you do not need to wait for a birth mother to select you, so if you meet the country requirements, and pass a homestudy then you WILL be matched with a child. It also carries a lot less risk of the adoption falling through.
Find a reputable agency in you area that does international adoptions, and try to select a country that has a stable, honest, and reliable program. With some countries the age cut off is 45 for infant adoptions, but many allow you to be up to 50 years of age.
Good luck, and don’t give up!
You might try foreign adoptions. They are not as strict on the age thing. There are adoption Agency that are not as strict on the age thing but you just have to find them. Adoption just takes time. Some times its just a God thing. It happens in his time
please dont give up…lots of babies out there need you. Are you opposed to adopting a slighly older child? Also, I am pregnant and I was considering adoption. I began researching for families on parentprofiles.com Though I have since decided to keep my child (i am far too much in love to put this child up for adoption simply because I will likely be parenting alone) I would have absolutely used the site to find a great adoptive family. Trying researching posting on there, it seems that a lot of those families have great success. Best of luck, it’s a wonderful thing that you’re doing
Don’t give up, hire another lawyer or adopt Intercountry. This is a REALLY cool website to help you along with the process.
GOOD LUCK!
From the site:
"American citizens are seeking to adopt children in ever increasing numbers. With the reduction in children available for adoption in the United States, more and more U.S. citizens have adopted children from other countries. This year, thousands of children came to the United States from foreign countries, either adopted abroad by U.S. citizens or as potential adoptees. This part of the site provides both information and guidance to U.S. citizens seeking information about intercountry adoptions."
Oh and adopt someone who looks like yourself or your husband!
You can always adopt, Believe me they will be your children
No if you truly want this there is a child out there for you somewhere. My Aunt was in her late 40’s when she and her husband a few years younger adopted. You just have to find the right birthmother. I don’t see how having a professional degree would be a negative against you, I’d think it would be a positive. A potential birthmother might even be happy that you have another child, a sibling for the baby, and you are already parents so she can rest more easy that its not all new to you.
Have you consider taking a youngster that’s already in foster care? though sometimes the kids are older you can find young babies. Often times they are already in custody of the state, thus no revocation period. Adoption can take some time, how long have you been waiting?
Dont give up I personally picked out my sons adoptive parents and they was 40 and 45, I never could figure out why they push younger parents, when there are so many older people with more stable lives wanting children, the family that adopted my son was considered to old and was being taken off most of the lists, just think if you give up some poor child might be losing a great opportunity for a stable and loving future, Good Luck and God Bless
Go to http://www.adoptuskids.org and look at the kids available for adoption. You can also go to the Heart Gallery for your state (Google "heart gallery" and your state name to find it) and look into that.
See if you can fight for the ability to adopt older kids. Look into specific summer day camps and such and find out what great things they’re doing and use that to make your case. See if there’s someone in your community or church that would be willing to provide the supervision an older child would need during the day.
See if you can adjust your work hours so that outside supervision would be either minimized or eliminated Maybe you could consider making a lifestyle change and bring one of you home.
SG
This sounds like an ad for a perfect adoptive couple. I am not sure why you are asking if you should give up. Call some adoption agencies and get on the lists. American Adoptions is all over the US and is connected with agencies in every state. Be prepared to wait 1-2 years for a baby. If you are open to older kids or sibling groups then adopt through the state – it is much more affordable and in some states they have health care and college tuition paid the rest of their lives. Good luck and don’t give up!
My adoptive parents were in their 40’s when they adopted me, I don’t think you should give up. If you are ment to have another child, it will all fall into place! Adoption is one of the best things in the world. There is always a child in need of a loving home, and you will have your chance to provide one! Good luck!
You should try http://www.adoptuskids.org and try to settle for a child between the ages of 12 months-5 years. This site is linked to 50 states Health and Human Services, and is a photo listing of the children.