Open Adoption Question…?
A family member went through the process of an Open Adoption last year. The stipulations in the contracts were that she would get to see the child once every three months (planned at the convenience of the adoptive parents), that the adoptive parents would send a monthly letter detailing how her child was doing, and that should the adoptive parents move, they notify her of the change in address.
The adoptive parents made the first two "visitations" and then could not be reached after that. Further, the letters to her every month began drying up at around the same time when her child was six months old. She recently drove past their home and found that they had moved without informing her.
She called the attorney the adoption agency gave to her case and the attorney said that "Open Adoptions" are actually just guidelines and that the adoptive parents don’t really have to follow the stipulations within them.
Should she find another attorney or is that true?
Nice. So my cousin was basically screwed and a HUGE group of people LIED to her. And she’s just supposed to bend over and take it? Such a nice attitude, no wonder birth parents Buy Cipro aren’t respected that much. And from a "christian" adoption agency too.
This isn’t the right way to go about this and I highly doubt that YOU could just "go on with your life" after your child is ripped from your arms and then the promises made to you were not kept.
And the child would not have known that my cousin was his birth mother because the adoptive parents and her had already agreed that she could be known as an aunt when her son got older.
She felt forced into this by her own immediate family (if she had come to me things would have been much, MUCH different). And then the adoption agency and this couple swooped in like vultures while she was vulnerable.
She’s living with me now and we will find this couple. What she does when we do is up to her.
I’m so sorry for your family member. This happens in many cases.
Adoption contracts are enforceable by law, but the ongoing visitation is not in many states. This link below
http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/cooperativeall.pdf
shows a state by state summary of laws regarding the enforceability of ongoing visitation as of 2005. I don’t know what state your friend is in or what state the contract was signed in – that plays a large part too. Sometimes adoption agencies will have the contract signed in a state that purposely does not enforce ongoing contact simply so that the adoptive parents at any point can feel free to cut off contact without legal ramifications.
Your relative may wish to consult with a local first parent’s group in her state to see from them if what the lawyer said was correct. Unfortunately it probably was, but she needs to at least try.
She can check the Concerned United Birthparent’s website at
http://www.cubirthparents.org/
to see if there is a local chapter. If there isn’t, the contact names of the board are on that site, and they can probably direct her to a resource in her area.
I’m so sorry.
I’m not sure how open adoptions work. but i think i would find an atty that will give her a free consult and see what they say. because all adoptions are different. so yes find one that gives free consults in her area and see what advice he/she gives the bio mother. good luck!
The lawyer was right. The ‘contract’ that the birth mother and adoptive parents came up with are just guidelines and are at the discretion of the adoptive parents to follow and if they do not want to they do not have to and it is not illegal..
Sadly, the birth mother needs to realize that she DID give her baby up. That she decided that she could not care for it and it is NO LONGER her baby, You said in your question that one part of the contract was that the adoptive parents would send a letter detailing how her (the birth mother) child was doing. I know that those may be your words and not her, the part about it being her baby. Again, sadly this child is NO LONGER the birth mothers baby, The baby has new parents
Open adoption just means that the birth mother and adoptive parents get to meet each other before the adoption and that the birth mother gets to know about them and pick them as the adoptive parents.
It’s not "her" child any more. She signed away her parental rights the day they finalized the adoption.
That "contract" was VERY intrusive and I doubt she’d have much success in forcing them to follow it to the letter.
She needs to just move on with her life. It’s very VERY wrong to want the best of both worlds… Contact with the child and the joy of knowing it without the hardships of sitting up at night when the child is sick, or colicky.
It’s just not fair, to the child OR the adoptive parents.
Sorry but I am going to have to go with Cathy on this one. Your family member did give this child to the other parents to raise as their own. Your family member has to look at things from both sides. Think how it would feel to adopt a baby, and your trying to raise that child as your own, yet every three months you had to meet with the birth mother, you had to send letters every month, and you basically had to keep in constant contact with the birth mother by telling her where you live at all times. That would have to be really hard on the adoptive parents, especially when they have this new baby who they are trying to bond with. If this adoptive mother physically couldn’t have children, can you imagine how hard it would be on her to feel like she is just borrowing this baby from the birth mother, since she has to keep in constant contact with her.
I believe that every child should have the right to know, at some point, that they are adopted. However, I feel that it is up to the adoptive parents to decide when that time is. I would think that there would be a fear that the birth mother would have serious regrets, and that one day she would take it upon herself to tell the child that she was their "real" mom. Especially since the adoptive mom probably feels that she is the real mom even if she didn’t give birth to the child. I would also think that there would be a certain amount of fear, that the birth mom would regret their choice so much, that one day she might try to take the child back.
I am sure that your family member feels lost and has a certain amout of regret, but she needs to understand and respect the feelings and fears of the adoptive parents too.